That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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