I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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