I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
