Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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