I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize