You're my little dorito
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
