shes about as inviting as chlamydia
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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