So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
