this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
