Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize