ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Randomize
