TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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