I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
