i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize