sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I need water and some morals
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
