i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
