Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
