HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I need moral support for this bender
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
