Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Randomize
