The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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