I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize