It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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