I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
