no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Mom said you looked used
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Randomize
