How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
