I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
