dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
