dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
