The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
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