no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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