Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
