I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
