i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize