You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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