My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
