Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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