I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
