apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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