What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
