Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Do you remember whose house we're in?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize