Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
