You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
