i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Randomize
