i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
