yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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