can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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