He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
it glows. i had to have it.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Randomize
