I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
