I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
