I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
