I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
