The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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