Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
