Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
