Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
