U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
