I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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