I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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