Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
