Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
