The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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